Changing Your Thoughts to Banish Stress

April is recognized as National Stress Awareness Month to bring attention to the negative impact of stress. Stress is not conducive to a healthy or long life, so we try to minimize stress as much as possible. For me, that means recognizing, reducing, or eliminating (hard to do) stressful thinking.

I can’t control what I can’t control, but I can control how I react or respond. I tend to get stressed out by certain events and circumstances. I also have a tendency to overload my plate, which can induce stress.

My husband used to (maybe he still does; I’m not sure) call me a “stress seeker.” He was right. I was—and to some extent I still am—a “stress seeker.” But I think I’ve become much better at overcoming my stress-seeking tendencies by recognizing and reframing them before they take over and derail me.

My “a-ha” moment came from reading Being In Balance: 9 Principles for Creating Habits to Match Your Desires by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. In this little gem of a book, Dr. Dyer writes:

The key to balancing your desire with your need to achieve, perform, and earn a living is in recognizing that there’s no such thing as stress; there are only people thinking stressful thoughts. It’s really as simple as that. When you change the way you process the world, the world you’re processing changes.

I felt like he was speaking directly to me. It made me realize that it’s my thoughts that create most of my “stress,” and not the situation or circumstances. Is it really possible for me to reduce my stress level simply by changing my thoughts? Yes, it is.

After reading Dr. Dyer’s book, I adopted the mantra, “There’s no such thing as stress; only stressful thoughts.” Whenever I catch myself starting to engage in stress thinking, I repeat this mantra, and it changes the way I react and how I feel. It really works, and it’s been life-changing!

Could it be that simple? Not always. But by recognizing and changing your reaction to a stress-triggering event, you can often lower your stress level and positively affect the outcome.

This isn’t about meditating, breathing exercises, or yoga, although I’m not knocking any of that. In fact, I’m a big proponent of using these practices to calm down and focus. But engaging these practices in response to perceived stress-causing events may not eliminate your stressful thoughts.

If you want to have a more peace and less stress, adapt your thinking with that goal in mind. Easier said than done, but it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

So how can you do it? My mantra has been very effective in helping me, but sometimes it isn’t enough.

I recently discovered the ABC technique created by psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis in the 1950s, and adapted by Dr. Martin Seligman in the 1990s. The ABC technique was used by Dr. Seligman as a means to cultivate optimism. While not designed to address stressful thinking per se, its application seems warranted in the context of stressful thinking—which is inherently negative. After all, how many stressed out optimists have you known?

The model is often used in cognitive behavioral therapy because it involves restructuring beliefs by becoming aware of your thinking patterns. That’s what you need to do to eliminate stressful thoughts.

Here’s how it works. You encounter Adversity (or an event that induces stressful thoughts). Your interpretation of the event creates your Beliefs. Your beliefs then influence what you do next—Consequences.

The key point at which you must catch yourself occurs between adversity and belief. Upon encountering the adversity, if your belief was not mired in stressful thoughts and negativity, you would be thinking more clearly about how to address the situation rather than focusing on what went wrong—something you can’t do anything about. By recognizing and eliminating the stressful thoughts, you can change the ultimate outcome.

If you want to bring awareness to and change your thoughts in response to a stress-inducing event, keep a diary for several days. Record your inner dialog when you encounter a stressful or difficult situation.

For each situation, write down the adversity you experienced, the beliefs you formed after encountering the adversity, and the consequences of those beliefs.

Look for patterns in your thinking, specifically: how any broad beliefs have led to specific consequences.

This should help you develop greater awareness of your stressful thoughts, which in turn will give you the power to stop or reframe them to avoid becoming stressed out. Just remember, “There’s no such thing as stress; only stressful thoughts.”